Thursday, June 23rd

It’s hard to believe that 3 months ago today, Jacob and I were flown down to DeVos.  It’s crazy to think about.  It feels like we’ve been gone for so long, yet we’re really not that far into this journey with cancer. 

Jacob is doing really good this week.  Praise God!  He has been eating – somewhat.  Normally when he gets here, he will barely eat a thing.  He won’t eat any hospital food – no matter what it is.  I did bring some things with me, so he’s been munching on them.  As long as he’s getting something in him.   Tuesday and Wednesday he said he was craving Subway.  I was hesitant to go get it, but since he really hadn’t eaten much, I figured it would be better than him starving himself all week.  Actually, I assumed I’d go get it and when I got back he’d realize that it didn’t sound good after all and wouldn’t eat it.  We’ve done that several times already!  But he did….he ate it all both times.  Couldn’t believe it!  I didn’t even get anything for myself thinking that I’d eat his dinner so it wouldn’t go to waste.  But he finished it and then I got stuck eating nasty hospital food.  🙁 

Yesterday was a rough day!  Not for Jacob, but for me.  I don’t know what the deal was, I was just very emotional.  I think I cried more yesterday than I have over the last few months.  I did have somewhat of a disagreement with Jacob’s doctor and that got me started.  Plus, I haven’t really been sleeping well and I’ve been under some stress about decisions coming up so I’m sure that didn’t help.  Man, by the end of the day, I was so tired mentally and physically.  I was completely drained and my eyes ached.  I was in the elevator on my way back up from downstairs and I was doing everything to hold back the tears AGAIN (without knowing why), and I was thinking how tired and exhausted I was.  How I just felt like I couldn’t do this anymore.  All I could think about and picture in my mind was “Footprints”.  Ya know the one where there’s 2 sets of footprints in the sand and God said “where there was only 1 set is where I carried you”.   I was picturing Him carrying me.  Giving myself to God.  Not holding anything back.  Let Him take complete and full control.  I thought I had been doing that until yesterday.   I realized I had been letting Him have some control, but not all.  The ironic part was that my daily devotion was about living a consecrated life that is fully dedicated and sold out to God.  Trusting Him completely.  Wow!  What a wake up call!!! 

Back to Jacob…..so he had a good day.  He felt good and even got out of bed and went to the play room for the second day in a row.  Usually that’s a Monday and Tuesday thing, but not usually a Wednesday thing.  By then he’s feeling run down and just flat out crummy.  Surprisingly, he was still in pretty good spirits!

Today was a much better day – for both of us.  First, my Dad came by this morning for a surprise visit.  That just made my day!  He was in town for work and decided to stop by.  It was only for about an hour, but I’m so glad he did.  Especially after yesterday.  Jacob was in a pretty up-beat mood all day.  More than usual.  Maybe because when he woke up Grandpa was here.   I’m not sure, but it was so nice to see.   He had chemo at 12:00 and 1:00.   My sister Liz, her kids Brooke, Abbie and Jared stopped by and brought my sweet Caleb with them.  I was so excited to see him.  I hadn’t seen him since Monday morning.  Boy I missed that little guy!  It was so nice to smooch on him.  🙂  They were able to stay for a couple hours and good to have more company.  Sure makes these horrible days at the hospital a tad bit sweeter.  Jacob’s still doing really well.  Still feels great and no sign of nausea yet.  Praise the Lord!  I am so thankful and I keep thanking Him!  I also keep praying that he won’t have any side effects.  I have to remember that God is bigger and greater than all of this! 

 Tomorrow Jacob will have his last dose of chemo this week.   He’ll start around 9:00 and finish about 11:00, although he has to have additional meds around 5:00.  Hopefully we’ll be out of here around dinner time.  Please pray that Jacob will continue to feel good and that he will continue to have an appetite.  I’m very excited because some dear friends of ours are coming to visit for the day tomorrow.  I haven’t seen them since December.  Wish the whole family could come, but I’ll take what I can get.  🙂  My sister Liz has to come back up to Grand Rapids again tomorrow for an appointment, so she’ll stop by also.  I’m getting spoiled and I love it!  🙂 

Well, Jacob will be having his PET Scan on July 6th and MRI and bone scan on July 8th.  We are very anxious to hear the results.  Please be praying for Jacob and for Ken and I as we go into the next phase.  We have decisions to make and that’s been a little stressful too.  We just want to make sure we’re doing what God wants – what’s best for Jacob.   “Ironically”, my devotion for today was about wanting to know God’s will.  It said to be thankful – all the time, no matter what you go through.  Keep a grateful heart in every circumstance and it will open the way for clearer direction in all other things.   Again, WOW!!  Obviously God is listening and put those devotions there for a reason.  Words I needed to hear at this moment. 

And with that being said, I am thankful!  Thankful for a wonderful, loving husband.  Thankful for two beautiful, sweet boys.  Thankful for my caring family and friends – old and new. 🙂  And so very thankful for all of your thoughtfulness, encouraging words and especially your prayers.  The power of prayer is amazing and that has been proven over and over again in the last few months.   God is certainly amazing!!!

By the way, here is a silly picture of Jacob.  He decided to make a uni-brow and ‘stache with some clay.  A good example of Jacob being in good spirits and being himself.  🙂

Jacob with his clay uni-brow and 'stache